Complications.

I don't know why I have such strong feelings towards you. Like cmon I don't, hardly even know you. -___- It pisses me off that you are a bit older than me, and that you will be leaving soon. But still. I've had a crush on you for almost two years, i'm starting to feel like a stalker just thinking about it. I want to get to know you. And I guess it has been proven that if you have had a crush on a person for more than four months, it's probably meaning that you have fallen in love with that person. LIKE wtf man. Are you serious? It's either meant to be, or ah-uge stalker crush. But I don't like obsess over what you do, who you talk to and alla that shit. I've even had a dream about even before I know you. Like Deja Vu or something. But you are the type of guy to wait for the "one". I wanna be your "one". I just don't think you'd want me too. AYIYIYIYI. You're making this so hard for me man. When I think about you I get butterflies. Not the ones i've experienced because this is different. Exactly what I just said. I only get butterflies (regarding boys) if I know them, or first get to know them. Or whatever contact I have with them. With you I don't have ANY contact. You see my dilemma? Yea. What's with you anyways? It's either we are meant to be brought be the destined faith of highschool, or I have a WAY to huge of a crush towards you.

Trust vs. Truth

What I really dislike about you is that whenever I tell the truth, you have to think otherwise. I am not lying to you. I made mistakes, doesn't mean you need to keep track of daily reminders of the things I did. I learned, and best believe those mistakes won't be made again. Why can't you trust me? I tell you the truth, you don't trust it. What do I have to do to make you believe me? Do I have to lie to you again to prove your point? Do I have to prove that you've been right all along, that I can't be trusted? What the fuck do you want me to do? I can't keep acting like nothing's wrong, because there is something wrong. I can't live through this shit another day. And I am not saying I wanna kill myself. But why can't you just trust me? Why do I have to always prove to you when you could just believe me? Maybe that's how I first crashed into a pit full of mistakes. I cried last night. Telling me I won't graduate from high school, that I won't get into a college. Who the fuck are you to tell me what I can and can not do in my life? You think I would actually won't give a fuck about school and just watch my own downfall? You think I am capable of that shit? You think I would drown myself in self pity? You think i'm vulnerable? Yea, you guys are my parents, my own blood. But bringing me down to the point of self destruction won't make me say in the future that you guys were right. Nah, what would've been "right" was to never listen to ya'll. Do you guys even love me? Fuck I can't handle this anymore.

Kay, idk how to feel right now. I am so tired of having to reminisce all the good times we had together. It just hurts that you were my first love.. I would never get over that you know? Whenever I see you, my heart still has that special beat when we were together. It hurts to see my brother and cousin hug you like the times when we were together. Oh and the fact that im trying this thing out, called being just friends..not working out for me bro.